If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was CRYING into my vagina
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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