Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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