Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Be still, my beating vagina.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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