I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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