so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
