Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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