I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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