he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
