you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
