His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
