grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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