a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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