can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
