there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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