dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
