He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
