I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
