we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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