K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm so fucking centered right now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
