Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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