I think I died a long time ago.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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