If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
