Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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