I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
