I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
