I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
