Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
