1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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