You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
