gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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