her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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