I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize