A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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