he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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