just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize