I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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