Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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