I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
