I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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