last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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