I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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