I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
