who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
