fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
