the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize