I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
