dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
