I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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