Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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