After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
