Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
