He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm too high and old for this...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
