he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
