also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
