OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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