there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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