So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
