I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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