I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
FUCK WHALES
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
