im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
