so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
