Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
