Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize