"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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