I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
