ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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