How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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