sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
