Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
