Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
