I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
