I feel like abortions should bother me more
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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