Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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