Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
