Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
