A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
