I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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