Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
