Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
