the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
