I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
now i know why i became what i already was.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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