i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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