I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize